Lesson

I really messed up. I've hurt a person who deserved to be loved instead and I've spent a year trying to fix it. (It's actually even more than a year. But who's counting?) In reality, I know that I have made a crucial mistake and that is immoral and has left a lasting impression on both that person and myself.

Though I have apologized profusely, there seems to be no middle path he and I can take. He is upset. I am upset, and pride gets in the way. It has been a year since we really spoke and when we met up to simply resolve any bruised feelings left, it was a really heavy encounter.

It served as a lesson to me: I can only beat myself up for so long before I stop and focus on me. That sounds selfish, but every person has his or her extent that she or he can go. (I'm not even saying 'willing'. 'Can' is much more powerful.) I was willing to go forever, but I could only wallow for so long. A whole-hearted apology, (or 3 in my case), a polite conversation, and full surrender of openly and strongly expressing my mind later I understood that the best I can do with my life is move on.

I know, this has been the most ambiguous post I've ever made, but it should serve less of a story and more of a lesson. I as a person will make mistakes. I have. The best I can do, is to fix them to the best of my ability, going out of my way even. However, after some time (or a lot of it), I must succumb to the reality that some things cannot be changed. It's best to simply learn from my mistakes rather than dwell on them.

Love yourself. Learn from your mistakes. Move on.